


A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Gateroom

by riani1



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, The City Likes John
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 11:38:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5867836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riani1/pseuds/riani1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>uploading an old story</p>
    </blockquote>





	A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Gateroom

**Author's Note:**

> uploading an old story

It was a blissfully normal day in the labs. The idiots were sulking in corners, the competent-if-mercilessly-watched minions were working quietly, and the coffee pot was newly full. Rodney McKay slurped contentedly from his mega-mug and smiled in dictatorial benevolence upon his realm. Not even Colonel John Sheppard leaning and smirking in the doorway could tarnish his zen calm.

So, of course . . .

"Rodney," chirped Sam Carter in his headset, "come to my office, please."

"I'm busy, Sam, what is it?"

Her friendly voice got a bit more military. "The please was a formality, Rodney. You really need to get up here. Colonel Caldwell is insisting on having words with you."

"Caldwell? What does he want?"

John straightened from his slouch. "What does Caldwell want?"

Rodney waved impatiently at him.

The patience was definitely suffering. "Rodney . . ." 

He sighed. "All right, I'm coming, just a minute."

"You've got five, then I'm sending an escort."

"Sheesh, all right, I'm on my way."

He put all his projects into stand-by and locked his systems. John fell in next to him as he headed out of the lab.

"So what does Caldwell want?"

"I don't know," Rodney said. "Sam just said he wanted words with me. He's apparently insisting."

John scowled. "We may have a military head of the expedition now, but it's still not him. He shouldn't be throwing his weight around down here." He grinned. "So what did you do to him?"

"Me? I didn't do anything! I have far more important things to do with my time than to harass Caldwell." Rodney led the way into a transporter and poked the screen. "Not that I haven't thought of things, especially when he starts telling us how to run our own city. For all his pouting, Sam is head of the expedition and you're still head of the military. He can take his shiny spaceship and play with that."

John followed him out of the transporter into the command center. "You sure you haven't found any plans for building another Orion or something?"

"For the ninety-eighth time, Colonel, no, I haven't. Trust me, when I do find them, I'll print them out, tie them up in a nice pink bow, and present them to you so you can stay out of my--"

He went silent when they reached Sam's office door. John bumped into him, apparently distracted by the angry, dripping wet Colonel Caldwell standing in front of Sam Carter's desk.

Sam smiled at Rodney. "Thank you for being so prompt, Rodney." Her smile twitched a little. "And Colonel Sheppard. It's just as well you're here too."

John nodded as he stared at Caldwell. "The weather report didn't say anything about rain today."

Caldwell's lip curled. "This was a very localized rain storm, Colonel Sheppard. One of the sprinklers in the mess hall, which just happened to be over my head, went off just as I walked in. And when I jumped out of the way, the next one in line went off. They only stopped when Dr. Zelenka came up to see what was going on."

Rodney looked at Sam, who was giving it her best serious and interested look, then at John, who was failing badly at serious. He turned back to Caldwell. "You pulled me up here to complain about defective sprinklers?"

"I pulled you up here to demand that Colonel Carter issue a formal reprimand! Don't think I haven't noticed your attitude, Dr. McKay! You have interfered with me and challenged my authority every time I've come to Atlantis. Nothing in this city happens by accident, and you are in charge of the systems! You set up this display, and I demand that something be done!"

Sam cleared her throat. "Actually, Colonel, there's no proof that Rodney had anything to do with this--"

Rodney had finished drawing in an outraged breath. "I beg your pardon! You're blaming me for--" He flapped his hand at Caldwell's dripping uniform. "For this? You are forgetting several very important facts, Colonel Caldwell. One: you are not the head of this expedition. You are not in charge of anything on this expedition, you are the captain of the Daedalus, and two, this is not the Daedalus. Three: I am not a member of the American military, and as such, I don't have to give a rat's ass about your authority and I can challenge it any time I want!"

He took another breath. John started to make a noise, but Rodney flung up a hand to stop him. "And number four and most importantly, if I was to do something so juvenile as to program this city into playing a practical joke on you, it would be to trigger a thousand dancing waters all playing to the tune of the Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies timed to your footsteps as you strolled pompously along the main corridor to the gateroom, it would not be one single sprinkler in the mess hall!"

John squeaked just a little.

Caldwell's eyes bulged. "Colonel Carter--"

Sam had her clasped fingers tight against her lips. "No, Colonel, I'm afraid he's right. If it was Rodney behind this, he'd do something far more insidious and elegant, like hack the Daedalus' systems so that the head in your quarters would suddenly flush in reverse when you were in hyperspace halfway back to Earth."

"Colonel!"

Rodney frowned. "Sam, that's--hm . . ." The plumbing diagrams of the Daedalus scrolled across the screens in his head.

Sam coughed and got her face in order. "Things do happen by accident all the time, Colonel, really. There may have been a localized glitch in the heat sensors right over . . . um . . . "

Caldwell's bald head was showing redder than usual as he glared at her.

"We'll look into it," she added quickly. "And I'm sure I can say nothing like this will happen again." The look she sent towards Rodney was very pointed.

Rodney grimaced. "We don't like accidents here, Colonel. Sometimes it's a sprinkler going off and people just get wet, sometimes it's a lab getting damaged and people get killed. I'll look into it."

Caldwell hmphed. "See that you do." He stomped out of the office.

Sam craned her head to watch him cross the control center and disappear. She broke into a quick bout of snickers, then grinned. "How did you do it, Rodney?"

"I didn't!" he protested. "I haven't looked at the sprinkler systems in months. Besides, I'd rather program the Daedalus to beam him up naked onto his own bridge."

John raised an eyebrow. "You could do that?"

"We could add an inorganic filter--" Sam started, then she shook herself. "No, I'm in charge, I can't do that. And neither can you," she added sternly to Rodney.

He shrugged impatiently. "Novak wouldn't let me anyway. So can I go? The minions have probably drunk all the coffee by now."

"Yeah, go. And take a look at the sprinklers when you can. One day it's water, the next day it could be . . ."

The sentence didn't need to be finished.

"Right," Rodney said, and he left. John sauntered out after him. "So why did you come with me, Colonel? That slow a day in the military world?"

John shrugged. "I heard Caldwell wanted you, and I figured it wouldn't hurt to give you a little backup."

Rodney studied his face as they left the control room. After so many years, he'd learned to recognize nearly all the flavors of faux innocence John Sheppard could come up with. He stopped in an empty corridor. John stopped as well and blinked amiably at him.

"It was you," Rodney stated.

John leaned against a glowing bit of wall. "It was me what?"

"The sprinklers. And the way they followed him around but stopped when Radek got close." The wall behind John's shoulder ran through some quick flickers of blue. Almost like--a giggle. "You talked the city into playing a prank on Caldwell!" The wall flickered again, this time in shades of pink.

John blinked with the best pretense to innocence Rodney had seen yet--if it weren't for the snickering wall behind him. "Why, Rodney, do you think I'd talk Atlantis into playing a prank on a man who outranks me? That's not a very practical use for Ancient technology, is it?" He pushed off the wall and fell back into step. "So what shall we do tomorrow night, Brain?"

Rodney grinned. "The same thing we do every night, Pinky."

"But where are we going to find tap shoes to fit Ronon?"


End file.
